Earth's Last Call

Retroman

(Your local Retroman since 2021)
Feedback as requested:

If I were to rewrite this paragraph of yours:

The insurance agent would try his best to help her to return home. But they hadnt introduced themselves. The agents name was Richard, and the aliens name was Elz. Telling each other about themselves, a radio broadcast from the NBC broadcasted about an escaped foreign being, and the government decided to contain Key West by two days. Military would mobilize in all exits. The news also came to the papers, which really stressed them out.


I would rewrite it like this:

The charming insurance agent, Richard, was escorting home a female alien, he met moments ago, who goes by the name of Elz.

While discussing trivial matters in the car, a radio broadcast had stunned the two by reporting upon an individual known by Key West, who was contained by the Feds two days earlier.

Like Elz, Key West was also an alien who was in need.

Further stress came to the traveling duo, as they listed on and discovering that the military will soon be mobilizing all exits, leaving them trapped in an ever-dense city.

Oh no! What are we going to do, handsome human?! screamed Elz.

We must follow my peoples laws and turn you in. replied Richard, Im sorry, but Im a good citizen.

Elz unlocks the doors of the car and runs away, never to be seen by Richard ever again.
Key West is a coastal town in California. I might use realistic places or towns.
 

Retroman

(Your local Retroman since 2021)
Richard's flaw is being imaginative. From his child-adulthood he had been thinking if there was life outside the earth. This even distracts him from his work. It is childish for imagining something unreal and unearthly. He has a 'brain of a child'. The inspiration behind ELC 1 were from: "The Day The Earth Stood Still(1951)", "The War Of The Worlds(1953)", and EarthBound Beginnings.
 
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Zheyno

Administrator
Staff member
I like to think of that good character flaws not as a locked-in disability, but as a personal struggle that can be overcome and through the passage of the story is to be overcome.

Ergo, if cannot overcome it, it is not much as a flaw, but as just something that is a part of a character.

Like for example in Project ESDS, “The Player” in Chapter 1 has the character’s flaw of being addicted to television and other opiums, and so overcomes it.

Then in Chapter 2, the character’s flaw is that the character hasn’t prove himself virtuous enough to date other character, and through self-improvement, overcomes that flaw as well.
 

Maurice Raptor

Green day rules!
Staff member
I see it is weird, I got to choose another one.
Don't worry, he was quoting star wars xD since it's what yoda told anakin about having that same flaw. It's okay, even more knowing the context of your story. It's set in an alternate 1950's, and in that historical era it was very normal (and today, sadly, it is too). Remember that it's a flaw, it's something that your character can either get over or succumb to. And if it has a negative end, it's a cautionary tale, it's very okay as long as you treat it delicately.
 

Maurice Raptor

Green day rules!
Staff member
Also I don't think neurodivergence is a good flaw. I'm talking from the point of view of a bipolar dude, so I'm not sure how it actually feels to have autism, but what I've learned in my life is that my mental illness is a part of me I have to accept, while the world won't.
The thing is, a mental illness is something that I don't think should be treated as a flaw, but as what it is, another human mind, one that may work differently, but it's still a human mind, just like any other.

Flaws are ussually in stories, traits of personality that harm someone, be the main character or others, and while the negative aspects of a mental illness may harm the person who has it, it's not a personality trait, it's something that affects the personality traits. The character isn't a dissorder, its a person with a dissorder. And that's okay.

In my first book I actually have a similar thing like the one you describe. My character is a self insert basically xD. Michael, my MC, has the same dissorder as I do, only that he doesn't know it yet (since I wrote him way before I was given a proper diagnostic and represetnts the identity struggles I had before that). he deals with mental illness and the pain it causes him constantly, but his flaw isn't that he has bipolar dissorder, but how he deals with it. His flaw is that he takes the guilt his dissorder gives him and kicks himself about it instead of working on getting better and accepting help from others, and his arc is about accepting help and letting go of the guilt (or at least try to).
 

Retroman

(Your local Retroman since 2021)
Okay, I will be honest. It is obvious that I did not write about Richard's character/arc. Why did I do this? I wanted the reader to guess about his arc. I do not want to spoil his arc, his arc is a puzzle to readers. But I do not know what you think.
 

Maurice Raptor

Green day rules!
Staff member
Okay, I will be honest. It is obvious that I did not write about Richards character/arc. Why did I do this? I wanted the reader to guess about his arc. I do not want to spoil his arc, his arc is a puzzle to readers. But I do not know what you think.
I think that if you're writing in parts it's a good idea to keep the reader guessing, but you should have a plan for what you're going to eventually do. Inprovisation works for some, but in my experience it made things messy and it extended my book's proggress from a single year of writing it to four years and counting of correcting inconsistencies. (I think I finished a few days ago btw, jut not sure yet. Will have to re-read it)
 
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